| Tara Langdale
First things first: it’s a great thing that you’re looking for this information on how to help loosen up your partner. Sex should be a mutually pleasurable experience, but for that to happen, awareness and effort is required from both partners. The fact that you’re seeking advice on how to loosen a girl without hurting her indicates both of those things. The thing is, sometimes it’s not as simple as it sounds. We humans have complex bodies and unfortunately there are times when things aren’t functioning quite as we would hope they would.
Women in particular can have a number of gynecological (or psychological) issues that lead to fear of penetration, painful or difficult intercourse (dyspareunia), or all of the above. If she a little tight down there, you may be able to put her mind and body at ease with the right techniques. Some females with more serious issues might need a lot more patience and effort from you, but these will surely be appreciated and in time, rewarded.
What does it take to loosen up?
So, how do you go about “loosening a girl” or relaxing her pelvic floor muscles without causing her pain? Read on for some relationship-boosting advice…
The first step to loosening a girl without hurting her
The first and most important thing you can do is to determine why she is tight down there. She might be open to discussing it, but probably not in the moment. If you haven’t had the opportunity to talk about it (or it’s been too difficult) beforehand, try to understand what’s going on in the moment. For example, is her vagina tight because she isn’t lubricated enough? If so, she might be anxious, or simply not ready for penetration yet.
If she frequently has issues with penetration it might be that she has vaginismus, which is the name for the involuntary tightening of her vagina – usually at the first attempt at any kind of penetration. This can cause her a lot of pain and anxiety during sex, or prevent you from entering her at all. Although it’s not something most girls advertise, it’s actually quite common.
There other common conditions like vulvodynia, another vaginal pain condition she has little to no control over. It can hurt even to touch her lightly, so great care must be taken during sexual activity. In the case of either of these conditions it is often a persistent problem that takes time and therapy to overcome. Please be aware that in the case of vaginismus or vulvodynia, you can’t just keep trying and expect her to get used to the idea. Try not to take it personally, and don’t blame her either… it’s one of those things that generally requires professional help.
What can you do to loosen a girl during sex?
When it comes to practical, hands on strategies for making a girl comfortable in the bedroom, you have plenty of options:
1. Lots of foreplay
Make sure you take your time to warm her up fully so that her body can prepare itself, and she gets the chance to emotionally connect with you. Giving her lots of foreplay is one of the best ways to get her in the mood for penetration – especially if you can give her an orgasm before that even happens.
2. Practice deep breathing with her
If she is anxious, ease her into the experience by doing some deep breathing together. It will be even better if you can retain eye contact while doing so – this is one of the fundamental tantra techniques and it really helps to connect couples. Deep breathing will also send the message to her mind and body that it’s time to relax.
3. Take your time
Patience is a golden rule when you’re having sex with a girl who is tight. Whether you do so verbally or by demonstration, let her know there is no rush, and no pressure. Even when foreplay is done, don’t rush to enter her immediately. Use your fingers first, go slow, stop if necessary, and only start again when she indicates that she is ready.
4. Loosen her whole body first with massage
Giving her a full body massage in a space you’ve made ambient and comfortable will work wonders for loosening her up down there. Let her get used to your touch on other areas of her body and as they relax, other parts will follow suit!
5. Try out some toys first or dilator therapy first
If she is nervous or naturally has a tight vagina, don’t go full-steam-ahead even when she is warmed up. If you’re having difficultly penetrating her, why not play with some sex toys first? Bearing in mind that she may have the same response to any object penetrating her, check with her first and use smaller toys. This may well be what she needs to get used to the idea of full sex. If fearful, she needs to start with dilator therapy on her own. She may need to go to a pelvic floor physical therapist first.
6. Communicate with her in the moment
Talking about sex can sometimes be uncomfortable, but it’s a really good idea to try – especially in the moment, when she’s going through pain or anxiety in real-time. There’s no need to get into a serious conversation about it; simply try to attune to her facial expressions and vocal responses, but also remember to ask her if something feels good, or if it hurts, and so on. Since you’re asking she’ll know you care, and she’ll be more likely to relax mentally and physically.
7. Boost her confidence
If you want to loosen a girl without hurting her, make sure she feels as confident as possible in bed with you. Compliment her often, inside and outside of the bedroom. Let her know when she’s doing the right things, and tell her how she makes you feel. If she knows you’re enjoying yourself with her, she’ll be less focused on what could be going wrong and more present in the room with you. This is one of the more foolproof ways to enjoy sex!
Again, if she has vaginismus, her sexual confidence will be quite low. Helping a girl with vaginsimus to be confident in bed might require a little more of you, so familiarize with the condition and what she may be going through and you’re at least one step ahead.
Now that you know the best ways to loosen a girl without hurting her, good luck, and don’t forget to stay present and enjoy it too!
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