I’m proud to be gay. But let’s be honest, gay and fat aren’t celebrated.

By: Dale in New York

This will mark my first year not going to Pride in a decade. I swore to myself after last year that I would never go again. I’m 5’10, 40 years old and 205 pounds.

Does that make me fat? Yes. In fact, I technically qualify as being obese.

Last year when I went to our PrideFest in New York City, more than a few gay men relentlessly made fun of me as I tried to make my way through the street fair.

“Oh, look at that guy!” I heard one millennial say. And, “Jesus Christ, look at that fat f*ck!” said another, drunk off his ass.

Two guys standing in front of a booth literally pointed at me as I walked by, hooting and hollering at my expense.

“Oh my God! Is that a bear?” snickered one of them.

Related: Man fat shamed on gay cruise

I’ve been contemplating skipping Pride for several years because I felt either invisible among the throngs or the center of the wrong type of attention.

Let’s be honest, being gay and overweight don’t mix well. If you go to Pride and aren’t perfect, nobody is going to party with you. And if you are fat – like me – you are treated like a pariah.

Think about it for a minute. What’s the message all of us are being sent when we see extremely fit guys dancing on the floats? What about the shirtless, muscular wonders, replete with six-pack abs, walking around everywhere?

I’ll tell you the message being sent:

You need to look like this if you want to fit in.

Fat shaming people is nothing new. In fact, it’s become somewhat of a pastime in our culture.

But in the gay community, it feels like it has elevated to a sport. I hate to say that but it is true people.

Hey, I’m not suggesting everyone who is gay engages in these kinds of behaviors. There are cool and accepting gays. And not all homos expect that every person they come across will look like a buffed out model with 10 inches.

But in my opinion, the number of people in gaydom who judge other gays on the shape and size of their body far outweighs those who don’t.

I mean we are the group of people who came up with all of the clever body types, right?

Are you a wolf? How about an otter? Are you a cross between a jock and a bull?


This is what I’m talking about!

I love being gay so please don’t think something different. However, we need to be honest here about how our community loves to worship at the altar of the almighty “hot bod”.

And we can’t seem to fetishize enough the muscular guys or hairy “lumber-daddies” that we see parading around the street fairs.

How many times have I heard people whisper: “That guy is so hot – woof!” as one of these mindless wonders walks by.

Be honest – at Gay Pride, these types of bodies are glorified. The younger, the better. You totally know it’s true!

Let’s not leave out the skinny guys (twinks). These types of builds are also celebrated, like they are some kind of lesser God – but Gods none the less.

Never mind so many of them are smoking up crystal meth like it’s going out of style!

“Our community loves to worship at the altar of the almighty hot bod”

At Pride, we prop these people up on the floats like they’re great things – with onlookers licking their chops like it’s effing dinner time.

But if you are fat like me (even just a little), nobody looks at you. In fact, people look away with disdain!

No, I’m done subjecting myself to another humiliating exercise in fat shaming. I’m not going to have people stare right through me or snicker as I walk by.

There’s no way I am the only gay man who feels this way. Several of my friends are skipping Pride too for the very same reasons I have discussed here. Some are a little overweight and some are a lot.

The point is they’re skipping because they don’t feel like they fit in – and certainly don’t look like this:

I wish Pride were an event where all bodies types (and ages) could be celebrated, including “fat guys” like me.

Maybe we will grow as a community one day and accept the true diversity of people under our rainbow?

That would be a really amazing thing.

Main Photo Credit: Deposit Photos


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